3 reasons to not try on a lipstick tester at the makeup counter.

1. It’s gross. 

2. It’s unsanitary.

3. And right before you came to the counter the lady with 4 missing lower teeth just tried on about 10 of those without cleaning them. Oh yeah…..and she had a herpes looking sore on her mouth. 

I knew she wasn’t going to buy anything because she had a piece of paper in her hand and was busily writing each lipstick down. A.k.a. The note taker. They never buy what they are writing down. I don’t know if they are going to have someone buy it with their discount, give the list to their husband or just like to make lists. She then asked me if there were natural ingredients in it. When I offered to give her a lipstick box to read she declined and asked me if I knew of any natural lines with natural ingredients. Really lady? Why don’t you go to the ice cream store and ask for the non-fat ice cream and then ask if there are any weight watchers around. Geez….maybe you should be more concerned with the health of your teeth because I don’t see too many left in your mouth. 

And then of course the…..”what’s the name of that lipstick? K I’ll come back for that”. Oh who are you fooling? No you’re not. And I really kind of hope you don’t! 

So before you try on that cool new lipstick at the makeup counter….think about the toothless lady with the cold sore that was there minutes before you and either skip it or soak it in the alcohol for a good minute or so and wipe down with a tissue a few rounds. 

Happy lipstick testing. 

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

I want a red lipstick…..not!

Yep, it never fails when the holiday comes that countless people come to the counter to say  “I want a red lipstick”! Typically it’s the customer who never wears makeup or they come with a totally nude face and expect the red lipstick to look normal on them. We have about 7 different reds but for some reason they can’t spot them out. We’ll show them a few different reds and it usually goes something like this.

Customer : “I’m looking for a red lipstick”

BA: “Do you want a matte, shiny, or creamy?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just something to look good with my skin tone”.

So as you pull various ones out to try one the first thing they do is smear it on their lips and panic.

BA: “You really need a lip liner with red lipstick otherwise it will look a hot mess. Also just a dab of lipgloss will really make it perfect” .

Customer: “No, I don’t use lip liner, I just put a little chapstick on before”.

BA is thinking….What the heck does chapstick have to do with a lip liner?  They want your opinion but then don’t want it. We’re just trying to help them out to get that perfect red lip and up go the walls. Painting a red lip  without anything else on a bare face is a sure fire way for the customer who doesn’t want to refine it and make it look right head straight out the doors like there’s a fire on their butt.

Customer: “Maybe I don’t want a red lipstick. I’ll come back later”.

And maybe you won’t because you just want to slap the red on without making it look right. We really are there to help you. Just let us.

Sometimes the “looking for a red lipstick” is really “I’m looking for a nude lipstick”.



Posted in makeup cosmetics | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Three makeup questions I hate.

1. “What blush matches my skin tone?”.
If it matched your skin tone it wouldn’t be a blush, it’d be a foundation.

2. “What is your best foundation?”.
I don’t know… The most expensive one? Yeah. One is great and all the other 12 ones we sell are crap.

3. “So if I don’t like it I can return it?”
Well why don’t you just try it on here because that’s what testers are for and then you won’t waste my time or yours, besides the fact of being wasteful because it’s sent back to the manufacturer and then go to the landfill I’m guessing. I get you might be germaphobic, but after we sanitize, wipe, re-sanitize I bet it’s cleaner than any of your makeup sitting at home in your bathroom for 12 months.

Egad, I guess I just had a long day today.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Makeup Hoarders…… the new obsession.

Okay I’ve watched that “Hoarders” show and have seen junk, rats, cats, trash, and even a billion dolls. I haven’t seen all the hoarder shows but I’m sure they could do one on makeup hoarders after I’ve gone to one of my favorite makeup sites and see all the people posting their so called hauls and storage. Don’t get me wrong, I love makeup and I love the way people organize it all. But does “obsessive compulsive” ring a bell here people?




Granted I have a lot of makeup. But who I work for gives me a lot of makeup for free. I don’t think I’ve bought makeup in years. But many people walk into our store and need the latest, coolest, gotta have it colors to feel good. We know the regulars and they are keeping the economy alive.


I don’t even know what these are. Just amazed at all the tiny rows with all the little tiny bottles hoping there is never an earthquake.




So here’s the deal. Makeup expires. Mostly cream products and liquids. If  they are stored in a cool place maybe longer but in a hot climate not so much. Lipsticks get hard, lip glosses get that waxy crayon smell, nail polishes get gooey and stretchy and creams tend to separate and get grainy. How do I know? It’s happened to me.

This one looks like an organized store and so pretty. But seriously, how can you wear all this makeup in one lifetime? All I can say is at least it keeps me having a job.


So these are the pretty pictures of makeup hoarding. I’m going to leave it to “Hoarders” to show the seamier side of makeup hoarding.


So I want to know. Are you a “mini makeup hoarder” or a “compulsive obsessive out of control makeup hoarder”?

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

What do you like to be called? Ma’am, miss, ladies, honey or girl?

Everyone wants to be called different things and we all approach different customers usually depending on their age how we greet them.

Ma’am sounds a little too formal and makes the customer feel old which you don’t want them to feel at the makeup counter…unless I guess you want them to buy some good skin care and wrinkle creams. Hey…maybe I should think about that. I almost feel like that’s used more in a “yes ma’am” kind of way.

Miss sounds a little old fashioned and someone that is too young.

Honey, depending on where the emphasis is, means different things. When it’s HON-eee, it’s almost like, you better listen up when I tell you this.  If it’s more like a sing song voice then it’s more of a nurturing “I’m the mom” scenario.

“Hi girls” is usually for younger customers. But what age is the cut off age?

And “Hey Grrl” is for the hip girl but no so much for the professional who wants some serious advice.

“Hi Ladies” is always pretty safe unless they are tweens.

But what about “Do you guys need any help?” and they are girls.

Take the poll and voice your opinion.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mercury Retrograde and the impact of makeup customers.

I thought the full moon was bad until a fellow associate told me about Mercury Retrograde. Apparently that’s when instead of rotating around the sun forward it kind of goes backward just a little.  Mercury has to do with how we think, communication, concepts and ideas and if it’s in retrograde that all goes haywire. So if you can imagine for a minute customer after customer coming in to try to explain what they need and I am doing my best to understand them as they are confusing me by the minute and I am looking befuddled,  I can only blame it on the dang planet.

One customer wanted to know which brush was good for eye shadow because the one she had wasn’t quite right. When I showed her the two brushes for applying eye shadow on the lid she said, “Oh I all ready have that one and I’m going to return it”. What?  I mean if you all ready have that one I get it. But if you are asking for an eye shadow brush and you say you are going to return what you are asking for? I’m confused.

Right after that a customer asked if we were discontinuing a shade. When I told her no and gave it to her….because she seemed like she wanted it asking me if we had it,  she told me it was the wrong color. Hers was more coppery. I can guaranty we only have one name to a shade and don’t change the colors around. But when I showed her a coppery one she might like she said it was too coppery. I don’t know what to do at that moment. Do I keep pointing out shades only for her to say what she doesn’t like about it or just let her spend her 15 minutes with her friend discussing all the shades and why it’s just not right, not even the one she asked for.  She looked for a little while  longer and left with nothing.

They all seem to fumble on their words and not get out what they are trying to say and I am intently looking at them waiting for the whole sentence to come out, with out me interrupting and predicting  what they are trying to say leaves me only with one thought swirling around in my busy little head………sssshhhhh…….Mercury Retrograde.

Ends September 9th. Yea.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where’s your manners?

So this lady came to the counter today and was  standing about 20 feet away from me talking on her phone intently but kept glancing at us like  “Are you going to help me or not? ” kind of look on her face. So when I asked her if she needed any help she rudely shook her head and gave me that “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” gesture. But of course when she hung up her phone and was looking for someone to help her I was all ready on to the next person matching up her foundation.

It went a little something like this.

Cell phone lady: “Is there anyone else here who can help me?”

Me: “Not right now but I’ll be right with you as soon as I am done helping my customer.”.

CPL: “Well, I’m in a hurry. I’ll just have go to another counter where I can get some help”.

Me: Thinking “Well if you weren’t blabbing so much on your phone and rude to me in the first place I probably could of helped you and got you out the door quicker than your too long phone conversation!”

The most annoying thing of the moment is cell phone etiquette, or lack thereof. I can’t tell you how many times a customer comes up to the counter with their cell phone up to their ear and are talking in a deep conversation and they may or may not be looking at you. If they are looking intensely at the eyeshadows and still holding the phone to their ear than more than likely they don’t want to be bothered and just want to look with no interruptions and I’m fine with that. But when they are giving us the evil eye like why aren’t we helping them…..well, that gets a little tricky.  We aren’t sure if we should come and ask you if you need help, because that would be rude to interrupt you while you are talking and at the same time if we don’t ask you we might be getting the stink eye from you. If you really want our help please get off your phone and ask us for help. Don’t be saying into the phone “I’ve been here for 5 minutes and not one person has come to ask me if I need anything”. I’m going to go to the person who isn’t involved in a deep seated convo about who you slept with last night and how you think this could be the one who will be your future husband.

Also, don’t be on your phone if you want your makeup done. I’m not going to work around your phone and/or conversation. Same for texting. Which is annoying and rude when you should be closing your eyes because I’m trying to line your eyes with some wicked black eyeliner. So I will politely step away and tell you that I’ll come back when you are done. Trust me that usually works. Other wise they may be there all day because I can easily step away to help someone else who also needs my attention.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my phone more than anybody. But I will tell the person I’m talking to that I will call them back if I am about to purchase something or need to have a conversation with another person so I’m not trying to talk to two people at once. Just good phone etiquette.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Remember me? Ummmm…..of course. And other white lies.

Honestly I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast. But customers are always coming up to me and saying “Hi, remember me?” I don’t want to sound rude and we probably really connected when I helped you or did your makeover and told each other personal intimate details about our lives so I always say “Of course I remember you”. I hope they’ll tell me something that may spark my memory and it’ll all come back to me. But the reality is we help so many people in one day and when you multiply that  by five days a week and four weeks a month that’s a lot of customers. It’s easy to remember the regulars and and some days you feel like you know everyone. But I do feel bad when someone remembers me, especially by name, and I have no clue who they are but I just pretend that I do. It makes them feel special and important and……. maybe I had oatmeal for breakfast….yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I ate. And please don’t ask me to guess your age.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fashion Magazine tells you how to be cheap and waste our time.

Yep, I said  it.  In a well known fashion magazine that starts with a G in the March issue it told  you if you didn’t want to splurge on foundation go the the makeup counter, have a beauty advisor match you up to your exact color, have them make you a sample of it and then take it to the drugstore to find the exact match. Hey, I’m all about saving money too and if you want to go to the drugstore to find a foundation that’s all right by me. I’m all about finding drugstore deals. Just don’t tell readers to :

  1. Come to the counter to match you up.
  2. Not buy it and ask for a sample.
  3. Leave to buy a different one somewhere else cheaper.

First of all it takes time to match you up. If you say want to find a foundation we’re going to ask you a lot of questions. What kind of skin do you have i.e. oily, dry, combo etc. Then we’re going to ask you what kind of finish do you want i.e. dewy, matte, satin, natural. And then we’re going to ask you how much coverage do you want. Then we’re going to ask you if you have anything on and if you do, do you want to take it off so we can color match you. Usually we will put on a moisturizer, primer and then foundation. If it’s liquid we might put on powder and then of course a little blush so you won’t look one colored. If we do all this and then you ask for a sample we will tell you your face is the sample. If you want to wear it around and see it in different lights and how it wears for the day we totally understand that. But to intentionally waste our time and ask for a sample of what we put on you because you are going to buy something different somewhere else when we could of been helping the other customers who truly did need our assistance and are patiently waiting is really unfair to us and the real customers.

If you want to buy one at the drugstore I’m sure they have a decent return policy if it doesn’t work out for you.  And don’t forget we do remember the ones who try to fool and trick us so when you come back and we don’t help you so quickly, it’s because we’ve given  the “codeword” to our co-workers so they know not to waste time with you because you just got labeled.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

You want to return what? More bad makeup returns….

Yesterday a customer reached into one of her 10 bags and pulled out an old, used foundation bottle and said she wanted to return it because it “made her break out”. The usual remark for I want my money back because I like to rent cosmetics. No receipt and no box as usual because it would of proven that this was over a year old. So feeling how light it was I opened the lid and tapped it so the foundation covering the top because it was upside down in her bag sunk to the bottom like a rock in quicksand.

I politely said “I’m sorry but this is totally empty”.

To which she replied “No it isn’t”.

When I showed my coworker the empty bottle she said “Yes ma’am it is empty”.

“But it made me break out” she countered  hoping that would just change our mind and say….okay you win. How much money do you want back?

To which I could of  said, “Well maybe if you didn’t use a whole freakin’ bottle in one week when it should last you for maybe a year or so  it wouldn’t of broken you out you crazy ol’ kook!”  Which by the way their skin is always smooth as silk with no breakouts or bumps to back up their story.

But instead I very calmly and politely said “I’m sorry, we can’t take back empty foundations”.

To which she gave me a nasty snarl and grabbed her empty bottle and threw into one of her many shopping bags and stormed away on her 4 inch heels as me and my coworker snickered under our breath giving a silent high five to each other awaiting the next crazy one.

Posted in daily life, humor, lipstick beauty retail, makeup cosmetics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments